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Mother's Day is May 9th.

Don't mess this up.

My mother is a talented woman. A patient woman. Endlessly supportive, practical, and FIERCE. So when Mother's Day rolls around, if I value my life, I will not pander to the woman who insists on being called "Khaleesi, Mother of Dragons" all day by giving her baubles or paraffin gloves.

No, I have to raise the bar and meet her where she is, not where Hallmark thinks she is.

SO, I have a few ideas, just for her:

  1. I'll start with this Mom Spit Card, pictured at right. To be clear, I did not give her this card. Nor did my brother. She gave it to US one Mother's Day long ago. It was her way of telling us to stop fighting the inevitable.

  2. Next up, in the spirit of proper homage, I am considering this Mother of Dragons Insulated Travel Tumbler, and a super-cute Mother of Dragons Hoodie. She would know for sure she had been SEEN by us for the wonder-woman that she is.

  3. My brother and I are not blind. We see other things, too. That's why these Bring Me Prosecco socks and her favorite brand of Prosecco are on my list. Yes, mom--I see you. But hey, if Amazon is selling Prosecco socks, you are clearly not alone!

  4. Mom has two favorite things in the world (aside from by dad, yours truly, and mon frère). Her laptop is one of them. She does a mountain of work on her computer and her iPhone, so we decided to get her some TIJN Blue Light Blocking Glasses so she can work right up to bedtime. Which she does... 7 days a week.

  5. Her second favorite thing is the cat. Actually any cat. So if I can make her cat happy, I can make mom happy. So I'm thinking about this Silvervine Cat Chew Toy. It will be a bonus if it gets the cat to stop chewing on furniture.

  6. Mom loves to read, but has always been a dyed-in-the-wool paperback lover. Until grandma passed away and mom inherited her Kindle. It's got a few dings, so this gorgeous Premium Leather Case/Stand for Kindle Paperwhite will make it look brand new.

  7. Last year I got her this set of journaling/coloring pens. She doesn't journal. Nay, she WON'T journal. Nor does she have the patience to meditate over coloring. When I pointed out their value as PLANNING and NOTETAKING pens, she was all over it. Now when I visit, I see them right next to the salt and pepper on the kitchen table all the time.

  8. This was my brother's idea. He knows mom is a bit of media junkie. She loves podcasts, the nerdier the better. Freakonomics, This American Life, You're Dead to Me, Under the Influence--and my father hates them. So to keep everyone happy we thought we'd get her a pair of Apple Airpods. There is peace in the queendom.

I was surprised to discover one thing she really, really wants that I actually cannot buy for her. Not even on Amazon. Because of a neighbor’s building project, she lost the sun on her vegetable garden, and even Amazon can’t give her that. And store-bought tomatoes just aren't the same.

Happy Mother's Day!

E.G. RADCLIFF IS A PART-TIME pooka and native of the Unseelie Court. She collects acorns, glass beads, and pretty rocks, and the crows outside her house know her as She Who Has Bread. Her fantasy novels are crafted in the dead of night after offering sacrifices of almonds and red wine to the writing-block deities.

You can reach her by scrying bowl, carrier pigeon, or @egradcliff on social media.

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